It's Worthwhile
by Rhianona
Summary: After the expedition returns to Pegasus post-Return, John stops pretending and goes after Teyla. J/T romance


_Disclaimer: SGA does not belong to me. _

_John/Teyla pairing; originally written for the John-Teyla-Thing-a-thon 2008, on livejournal. Prompt from is_silence, "Cherish yesterday, live today, dream tomorrow."  
_

John's forgotten what it's like to live on Earth. It's been one week since the Ancients summarily kicked them out of Atlantis and he still felt as if he had lost a limb. It didn't help that half his team remained in the other galaxy; Ronon and Teyla had joined with the Athosians, intent on fighting the Wraith as best they could. He understood - god did he understand - but it didn't keep him from feeling guilty for abandoning them and the Athosians and the rest of Pegasus to an enemy he had woken. He buried those feelings as he buried everything on which he didn't wish to dwell; Kate had warned him it wasn't healthy but damn it! He missed his city, missed his people. It didn't help that the SGC had kept most of the men he had once commanded, reassigning them to new teams. John suspected Landry was frustrated at how they would look to him for orders but the general hadn't said anything of it yet. Maybe he sympathized, though John rather doubted it.

Most of all, he missed Teyla and Ronon. He missed his daily runs where the Satedan had pushed him or told him bits and pieces of his life before he had joined them on Atlantis. Or his sparring with Teyla, who never failed to kick his ass and remind him that while he might be the military commander of Atlantis, he was not invincible. He missed team nights, the bickering and bantering as he and Rodney tried to explain Earth culture to the others or Ronon attempting to reenact a particularly funny story from his youth or Teyla dragging them all to the Athosian settlement and participating in a festival or feast or helping out with the hunting and gathering.

John's used to having a team around him, a team that watched his back and made sure he didn't do something stupid. He's used to the super fast babble of Rodney as he spouted facts and complaints without a breath; he's used to the quiet grunts of Ronon, who never said anything unless it mattered. He's used to the quiet counsel of Teyla, his first ally who made sure he survived in Pegasus. She guided him and kept him from straying.

It's only in the depths of the night that he actually admitted to himself the truth: he missed _her_ - not just as a teammate but the potential they were, the potential he had never acted on because he had been too scared to. And now, it was too late.

***

Rodney called him at least once a day to bitch about his new lab - Area 51 in Nevada - with his lab techs, all of whom granted him their respect and awe - but somehow this wasn't enough to placate the scientist. "I miss Atlantis and running for my life and having Ronon beat me up. I miss Teyla," he told John late one night. John grunted. He's not going to go there. "How's the new team?" John remained silent until Rodney started panicking at his lack of response and threatened to call Carson to check on him.

"They're okay," John finally said. Landry had given him a rookie team; John knew it was Landry's subtle version of revenge. He hung up from Rodney not long after.

***

It's not the rookies' faults that John had difficulty bonding with them. He honestly didn't know why he had such a problem: he's been in the military for a couple of decades; been assigned and given command of countless teams; had left more than one team with nary a backwards glance. And yet he can't help but bite back the quips he normally traded with Rodney whilst off world. Can't help but look for Ronon to scout ahead or Teyla to watch his six. His new team just seemed so young! His scientist appeared unable to follow simple directions; he definitely didn't remember Rodney being this bad when he started going off world. He barely trusted the other two members to watch his back and he was only too glad Landry sent them to so-called "safe" planets. He rather they remained safe and took the boring missions than have to rely on them in a fire fight. He knew it was unfair but there it was: they weren't Ronon or Teyla or any of the other dozens of marines and soldiers who had fought and bled for Atlantis.

John's still living in the Mountain; he knew he would need to find an apartment soon or the base shrink was going to start making noises about him taking a break. He's aware it's not entirely healthy, but he's spent the last two and a half years living with a couple of hundred other people and he's used to being surrounded by those with whom he worked. He spoke with Carson during meals and the geneticist had settled well with the return to Earth. Elizabeth continued to avoid all of their phone calls though she apparently lived in the Springs. Rodney continued to harangue him two or three times a day. He's still starting at familiar faces that he knew couldn't be there, their owners hopefully still alive in Pegasus.

He wondered when - or if - it got any easier.

***

His return to Pegasus wasn't anything like how he had dreamed, even in his wildest fantasies. When the chance came - and honestly: the choice between giving Caldwell the information he needed to destroy his city and rescuing it - and Landry and the IOA wondered why they had ran to its rescue. O'Neill had assured them they weren't in trouble - had applauded them even and made noises about a few times SG-1 had done something similar. He didn't really care, just as long as he could remain. He's sure when the adrenaline and euphoria at rescuing his city has died down, he'll feel differently but for now? He's happy to feel the city pulse through him, to hear the banter between Rodney and Ronon and Teyla.

More than that, he had hope. Hope that maybe, just maybe Teyla liked him beyond his position as team leader. Her face had lit up beautifully when he had appeared from the woods, the others at his back. She had come to him, greeted him in the Athosian way and he just _breathed_ in her scent. Here, like this and he knew he wasn't leaving Pegasus, not leaving her as long as he still breathed. This, more than anything else was what he had missed on Earth.

This was where he belonged. Now he just needed to make sure Teyla knew it. He wasn't going to waste his apparent second chance with her.

***

He had his team back. John grinned at the thought. He had ihis/i team back! Their first mission, once Atlantis had regained her full complement, was to New Athos. Teyla had wanted to speak with her people, to let them know that the Ancients were gone - killed by the Replicators - but that the expedition once again inhabited the Ancient city. John was more than happy to agree. He liked the Athosians and missed them, never having felt comfortable with the SGC's abandonment of their first allies when the Ancients kicked them out.

The Athosians happily greeted them, welcoming them back to Pegasus without any mention of their leaving. Elizabeth had decided to gift the Athosians with a small naquadah generator to help run some small medical diagnostic tools and a water purifier. She carefully called it a gift. Rodney had snorted and said it was more like a bribe for running out on them in the first place. John secretly agreed and was only too happy that neither Ronon or Teyla were there to hear his comment. Rodney and Ronon went to install and set it up while Teyla brought John to the main tent where Halling and the other leaders of the Athosians stood. John almost felt as if he had gone back in time, that this was the first time he was meeting them. He's nervous in a way he hadn't felt around the Athosians for a while. Teyla's presence next to him helped to calm him, which was furthered by Halling's easy smile and greeting. He's tired of pretending, tired of ignoring what he felt. It didn't stop him from having sweaty palms and a heart at beats far to fast for what he's actually doing.

Greetings aside, John waited until the formalities were all said and done before he asked Halling if he could speak to him in private. Halling looked at him with a questioning gaze, especially when John glanced over his shoulder nervously to make sure Teyla was occupied. This was not a conversation he wished for her to overhear - he would tell her in his own time.

It's been three years since the Atlantis expedition first crashed into the lives of the Athosians. And while they've spent some of that time running around, trying to stay one step ahead of the Wraith, or the Genii or any of the other beings in Pegasus they have managed to offend, there were also moments spent doing the simple things in life. Even though she continued to live in the city, Teyla had visited her people often, making sure she knew what was going on in their day-to-day life. As her teammate and military leader of Atlantis, John had found himself visiting with her. He had gotten to know several of the Athosians, mostly by volunteering to help them with whatever needed to be done. The children had taught him games and sports; the teens had taken him hunting for simple game or gathering of local vegetables and herbs and fruits; he had gone hunting for bigger game with the adults; he had also sat with the elders and listened to their culture. He knew that most of the expedition believed that if it wasn't military related, he just didn't care - something completely false. He had always been interested in other cultures and the Athosians had a rich and full cultural history and were more than happy to share it with their new allies.

Which is why he needed to speak with Halling.

Alliances were extremely important in Pegasus; a strong alliance among different groups of people could mean the difference between life or death, especially with the Wraith awake and looking for food. Different levels of alliance existed, the strength dependent on a number of factors. When the Atlantis expedition had first landed in Pegasus, he and Elizabeth had undergone a simple ritual indicating the new relationship they had with the Athosians. While Elizabeth had negotiated on the exact type of alliance the expedition would have, John had asked Jinto to explain the different levels. It was from the young Athosian boy that he had learned the strongest bond was akin to marriage. Months later, one of the elders had explained to him the importance of a proper courting ritual. Given how small the Athosian population was, they were always eager to expand their pool of acceptable suitors. While they might not have understood genetics, they did understand that a small population that only bred within themselves was a disaster waiting to happen. The courting rituals were designed to force the potential suitor to display to the Athosians just what he or she could offer their community. It also meant that if a person had multiple suitors, he or she could choose the one who most impressed him or her. The first step was always to ask the closest adult relative or elder for permission to court. This was why John had asked to speak with Halling as soon as was polite. He just hoped he didn't make too big a fool of himself. His track record with relationships was… less than stellar.

***

John appreciated that Halling hadn't laughed at him. Instead the man had looked at him closely and carefully whilst John fidgeted before him. Whatever he was searching for he must have found as he smiled gently at John before nodding. "I must confess that I am surprised you would ask my permission," he commented. "It speaks well of you that you do. It would gladden my heart and that of the Athosians if Teyla should accept your courtship."

"Yeah… well," John began, embarrassment causing him to flush as he dragged a hand through his hair. "I wanted to do things right. She deserves it."

Halling grinned before clasping John on his shoulder. "Come. Let us return to the feast. I will speak with Teyla."

Smiling sickly, his heart pounding, he nodded and followed Halling back into the main tent. Teyla looked at him with a puzzled frown as she saw with whom he entered. This confusion wasn't cleared as Halling moved towards her and asked to speak with her privately. John watched as they exited the tent, ignoring the knowing looks on the other Athosians as they caught the byplay. He stood awkwardly near the food, a drink in his hand while he tried to pretend that he wasn't waiting for Teyla and Halling to return and to know her answer to his request. This was more nerve-wracking than when he had asked Jill Callahan to the Home Coming Dance his freshman year of high school. He wiped his sweating hands down his pants, fidgeting mindlessly. He was only happy the Athosians seemed to pick up on his distress and left him alone.

***

Of course when Teyla re-entered the tent with Halling behind her, John suddenly realized that if his heart had been pounding before, it was nothing compared to now.

"John. I would like to speak with you outside," she told him as soon as she came up to him. John gulped nervously; Teyla was completely closed off and he had no idea what she thought. Frantically he wondered if maybe he had misread her signals or if maybe he had been reading too much into her actions. He nodded and followed her out into the night.

Teyla brought him to a secluded area of the Athosian camp. The torches that lit the perimeter gleamed in the night, the mood peeking through the trees. He stood before her like a naughty child and wow! Wasn't that a weird thought to be having before his potential lover. "Look Teyla," he began.

"John. You will be quiet." He shut up, noting the careful way she stood before him and the way she held herself. Teyla looked tense but in a way she had never appeared before. She gazed at him, her eyes boring into his and he speculated on for what she was looking. Pondered if he should have asked her _before_ going to Halling. He sighed. He just wanted to do _something_ right; he had wanted to show Teyla he respected her and her people. He wondered if maybe he should have just kept quiet about it all.

"Halling told me of what you asked John Sheppard. And I wonder; why did you seek permission to court me? That is not the way of your people."

"But it is _your _ way," John responded, as if that was all that mattered. And perhaps in his eyes that _was_ all that mattered.

"Why did you not tell me you felt this way?" He could hear a hint of frustration in her voice and hoped he didn't need to find a new team member by the end of the night.

He sighed, his hand running through his hair. "Teyla. You know… I'm not very good at this type of thing," he started. "But you… you mean so much to me. Hell I don't think I would have made it past my first off world mission if it weren't for you."

"Then it is not just as teammates that you like me?"

"No no! Look Teyla. When I was on Earth? All I could think about was you and having to leave you behind. I mean yes. I missed Ronon but I don't think I would have lasted very long without you. Without knowing you were safe." He took her hand in his, bolstered that she actually let him hold it. He could only hope she wasn't going to let him down gently after all this. "But it's more than that. You know me better than myself sometimes. You're so strong and so utterly beautiful - and not just on the outside, though you are. Beautiful I mean. It's just… I look at you and I see a future. On Earth? When I realized what an idiot I had been, I promised myself that if I ever saw you again, I wouldn't pretend I didn't feel more for you than friends." He opened his mouth to continue, only to find Teyla's finger on his lips.

"I think you have said enough John," she teased. "I admit that I never thought you would care for me in such a way. I am not… displeased to learn otherwise." She pulled away from him before grasping his shoulders in the Athosian form of greeting. "Yes John Sheppard, I accept your suit." She smiled shyly up at him and he couldn't help the goofy grin that emerged on his face.

"Thank you. Thank you so much Teyla," he murmured as he pressed a chaste kiss on her forehead.

***

When all was said and done, the courtship of Teyla Emmagen by John Sheppard remained a tale told into the generations. The Atlantis prince whose mere touch could wake even the oldest machine of the Ancestors, who gamely completed each of the tasks set upon him by the Athosian elders to win the hand of their leader. But it was really what happened after they wed that caused the legend to be told and retold: to the people of Pegasus, the end of the Wraith began with John's request to court Teyla and her acceptance of his suit.

Their marriage gave the Athosians even closer ties with the Atlantis expedition, bringing them much needed protection. It also seemed to end any lingering caution on their part towards the expedition members as they felt the marriage demonstrated the expedition's their willingness to stay and fight and live for Pegasus, something that had been previously missing. John really didn't care - he had what he wanted and that was Teyla in his arms.

None were happier than John and Teyla when, after the birth of their third child, the combined minds of Radek and Rodney finally figured out how to defeat the Wraith. He and Teyla left the children in the care of Jinto and his wife. As they headed through the gate to begin the final push against the Wraith, John turned to Teyla and with a giant grin on his face kissed her deeply. "I love you, you know," he told her.

"I know." She smiled serenely. And John knew that this was for what he lived. Tomorrow could bring whatever it wanted as long as he had her by his side.


End file.
